Life of a Marauder
by kainda
Summary: My name is Natalie. Or Chippy, as my friends call me. My friends, the Marauders, as we call us. Those idiotic boys that make my life worth living. I guess that makes me idiot as well but hey, what can you do.
1. Chapter 1

**In the middle of the night when I was very bored, I suddenly had this feeling that I _have to_ write a Lady Marauder story. So I did. Now I can't promise you anything since this was indeed just a spur-of-the-moment thingy, but if people seem to like it I may start to actually work on it. But for now, my other (Not So Unlikely After All) story will be my priority. **

**Oh, and another thing. I really doubt this is gonna disappoint anyone since everyone seems to hate Peter. But yeah, he's not in the story. If there are any Peter-fans out there, I'm really sorry, I don't personally hate him but I just couldn't find a place for him in the story so I decided it would be better just to leave him out than to force him be in it and just keep ignoring him.**

**So I guess that'd make this story AU.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, not J.K. Rowling. She owns the characters, not me.

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I stood with my parents on the platform 9 and ¾ in an awkward silence. Lifting my weight from one foot to another I sighed, looking up at my mother.

"Well, I guess I better be going." I said, desperately wanting to get out of the situation.

"Yeah. Well, have fun and be safe," she replied, more just because she was supposed to that because she really meant it.

"Yeah… well, bye then." I said, waving at her. My father gave me a short nod which I returned.

I shook my head when I started making my way through the crowd to the train. It wasn't like we had ever been really close after all, but I just hadn't guessed we'd someday be _so_ distant. But I guess I had it coming. I hadn't really done anything to make our relationship better during these last years, even if they hadn't either.

"Natalie! Nat!" Someone suddenly yelled.

I turned around to see the owner of the voice, even though I already knew who it belonged to. Just hearing the voice had already made me smile, but when I saw the grinning face in a doorway of one of the compartments, my worries were suddenly all pushed aside.

"Padfoot!" I yelled, running to the boy and squeezing him in an enormous hug.

"Heyy, Chippy," Sirius said, easily picking me up and spinning me around few times before letting me land back on the floor.

"God you have _no idea_ how I've been missing you during the whole bloody summer," I said as I pulled my trunk into the compartment.

"Right back at ya," he said while closing the door again. "So, how was your summer?" Sirius asked.

"Well, you know…bad." I gave him a sad smile. "What about yours?"

"Pretty much the same," he returned the smile. "It seems to be getting worse every year."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I said, seating myself on a bench while Sirius sat across me. "I'm just happy I don't have to see them again at least before Christmas."

"Tell me about it. I really doubt I'm even going back there this Christmas." He said.

"Really? It's that bad?" I asked, looking into his usually twinkling eyes which were right now very dark.

"Took all my self-control not to blow up the whole place," he replied moodily.

I gave him another sad smile.

Sirius and I had been best friends forever. We went way back to the times we both ate with bibs and spent our days in a sandbox. We were both from very powerful pure-blood families who shared the same ideologies and had known each other for a long time. Ironically, while we both got along with our families very poorly, they were the thing that got us together and the very thing that created a lasting bond between us.

Around the time I started to realize that _my _ideologies were very different from my family's I had tried to avoid Sirius, thinking that he supported his family's thoughts. Soon I had found out that he was actually on my side, and since then we had been inseparable. Even though Sirius' situation was even worse than mine, we knew exactly what the other was going through.

Apart from the conversations concerning his family, Sirius was usually energetic, playful and mischievous, all in a good way. More often than not you could see a playful smirk on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes. He was the worst troublemaker I had ever known, and that was exactly why I loved him so much. That kid was the most important thing in my life. I know I would die for him if I had to, and vice versa.

Sirius was also known as a ladies' man, which was one of his not so endearing qualities. An idiot could tell he was good-looking. The only good thing he had gotten from his family was his "aristocratic Black good looks" as he usually put it, which included stormy grey eyes and a strong jaw line. But even if I liked his silky black hair and broad shoulders, I could never think of Sirius that way. He was more like a brother to me, it would be just weird.

Not that I was actually the type of girl you could usually see with him anyway. I was pretty short, average weighted, with not much chest or bottom to parade with. I had a hair that's colour was always a mystery to me; it was everything between brown and blonde, pretty much greyish, and reached somewhere to my shoulders. I had normal brown eyes and somewhat dirty-tanned-ish skin.

I didn't put a much effort to my appearance. I was a tomboy inside and out. All of my friends were, had been and always would be guys. Don't even get me started on how extremely difficult girls were to have a friendship with; all the drama and the idle talk. Guys were so much easier; when something was wrong, they said it, and the problem could be solved right away. Besides, I had so much more fun with pulling pranks on people and joking around than gossiping over stupid clothing or dreamy men.

That was the other reason I couldn't imagine being in an item with Sirius; I _didn't _date. At all. It wasn't that I was somehow emotionally incapable. I just found it much easier to keep guys just as my friends.

By my nature I was a happy person. A little difficult to work with and maybe a little distant at first. I had pretty strong opinions on stuff which I rarely changed, which made me annoyingly determined sometimes. I wasn't as bad a rebel as Sirius, but definitely not from the nicest end. Being a prankster has also kind of grown onto me.

My absolutely worst trait was my temper, which was partly the reason for me being distant with new people. I somehow got mad really easily, and when I was mad, I became violent. I just kind of lost it, and reached the point where all I cared was to vent my anger on something or someone. That's why I often avoided getting into heated conversations with people who didn't know me well and might accidentally trigger the whole tantrum. On one of my worst moments I had hit Sirius on the face, giving him a black eye.

"Here you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" A male voice suddenly came from the doorway.

"Prongs, hey there!" My eyes lit up again when I saw my other friend smiling at me. I rose from my seat to give him a big hug. "About the time for you to show your face!"

"Good to see you too Chippy," James Potter laughed, hugging me back and ruffling my hair.

"Hey mate, good to see ya," Sirius said, while they exchanged their lame cool-guy hug/handshake thingies.

"You too my friend." James replied when we sat back on the benches.

James Potter was also one of my best friends. I wasn't as close with him as I was with Sirius, but he was easily one of the most important people in my life. He and Sirius got along probably better than anybody else, and if it wasn't for Sirius I might not have even gotten to know James, which would've been a big mistake.

James usually had that same twinkle in his eyes than Sirius. They were every teacher's nightmare, especially when they were together. James was usually the one to try to explain their stupidest ideas, although that more often than not just made things worse.

James probably spent half of his life with Quidditch, either playing it or talking about it. He played a chaser for our house, Gryffindor, and was actually amazing in what he did. Quidditch was also one of the things that connected us. I was in the team too, as a beater, and even if I wasn't as obsessed with it as James (neither was I as good), I certainly loved the sport.

Apart from Quidditch, James' usual topic was Lily Evans, a red-haired and green-eyed dorm mate of mine. He'd had a crush on her since forever, and even when it was clear to everyone that Evans hated him, he kept insisting he'd someday marry her. For maybe this reason, James wasn't as bad ladies man as Sirius, although he did get his share of the attention too. He wasn't bad looking either with his shaggy hair and brown eyes that, unlike my dark ones, were a sort of bright hazel colour.

But, like with Sirius, I couldn't imagine ever thinking James as anything else but a friend.

"So, Jamie, how was your summer?" I asked him. James came from a loving wizard family, and was always happy to leave for the holidays.

"Oh it was so great! We visited our relatives in Italy; Rome's beautiful. You should've seen those Italian chicks, man." He added to Sirius who chuckled. At this point I just snorted. "What about you guys?" He asked verily.

Sirius and I exchanged looks before answering.

"You know, the usual," I said.

"Couldn't have been worse." Sirius finished.

"That sucks," James said giving us a pitiful look. He had met both of our families long enough to comprehend the situation we both were in.

"Yeah, but anyway, it's great to be here again," Sirius said, clearly not wanting to worry about that now. I nodded in agreement.

"Yeap. Have you guys seen Remus yet?" James asked, referring to our other friend.

"No I haven't seen him," Sirius answered, "Probably in the prefects' compartment."

Remus Lupin was the good one of us. He was the one to remind us of the rules and the ethics, right in a middle of a good prank. He was a sweet boy, definitely a true friend to all of us. He usually understood me in situations where James and Sirius maybe didn't. Probably either because he wasn't as "macho" as the other two and not entirely controlled by teenage hormones, or because he was just that smart. He was always the one to get the best grades, since he was often the only one to listen to the teaching.

Remus' "action" with the ladies was more low-key than James or Sirius'. He was cute and smart, which made him popular amongst certain groups. He had a sandy-blonde hair and light blue eyes which made him look pretty much like every mother's dream son-in-law. Only they didn't know that inside him lived a monster, which he turned into every month. Remus was a werewolf.

We had found this out on our second year, when we had started getting suspicious about his monthly disappearances. James had started marking the dates and pretty soon realized that he went away every time it was a full-moon. After reading about werewolves we had became convinced about his secret and confessed to him that we knew.

Since that day we had tried to find out a way to help him some way. Since we couldn't do anything to change his condition, we had decided that the only thing we could do was to at least make his transformations better. Since our second year we had been trying to master the complicated spells to become animagi, so that we could keep him company during his transformations, not as people but as animals.

Last year we had finally been able to do it. James had been the first one to succeed, with Sirius close behind. I had needed a little help from both of them, finally managing to create myself an animagus form too.

From that we had created ourselves our nicknames. When Sirius transformed, he became this gigantic black dog, so we had started calling him Padfoot. James' animagus form was a stag, so he had become Prongs. Remus was Moony because of his monthly transformations. My animagus form was a squirrel, so I was, ironically, Chippy, from a chipmunk.

This huge secret we shared had made the four of us even closer than we had been. We rarely did anything without the others nowadays and usually hung out without anybody else. We were like another family for each other, and for Sirius and I pretty much the _only _family. All of our classmates pretty much knew this too, which was why people didn't even try to break their way into the group. We actually even had a name for us. On our third year Sirius had heard our headmaster recall us as marauders. Since then we had been calling ourselves The Marauders, which had quickly become a concept amongst both the teacher and student population.

The train had set off a good while ago, and we were right now in the middle of nowhere, heading towards the Hogwarts' school of witchcraft and wizardry. James, Sirius and I were having a pause from our conversation, and right now were just aimlessly watching out of the window. Remus hadn't still showed up, apparently being busy with his prefect duties.

When I heard the food cart approach, I immediately jumped from my seat and run to the corridor, leaving both James and Sirius looking behind me. I returned to the compartment with an armful of different sweets. I threw few chocolate frogs for Sirius and James, returning to my seat with a giant package of Bertie Botts every flavour beans, my frailty.

"I should've guessed," Sirius laughed while he opened the wrappings from his frog, looking at me with my bucket of beans.

"You know, Nat, I never really got why do you like eating those things. I mean, do you even know how many boggards have you eaten by now?" James asked.

"That's the beauty of it!" I replied, delightfully throwing a bean into my mouth. "Once you get one that tastes like shit you'll appreciate more the next strawberry one. Every candy is an adventure," I grinned.

"Have I ever told you that you're a weirdo?" Sirius asked with a chuckle

"About a thousand times," I replied and smiled sweetly. "That's why you love me."

"Too true," he said, stuffing a frog into his mouth before it jumped out of his hands.

"Okay since you guys are never gonna ask me I guess I gotta just mention it myself." James said suddenly out of nowhere.

"Um…what are you talking about?" I asked giving him a confused look.

"I was made a Quidditch captain this year!" He burst out.

"Really? Wow that's great! Not really surprising but still, great." I said smiling at him.

"Is that what you've wanted to say during the whole trip?" Sirius laughed.

"Well yeah!" James exclaimed. "I figured you'd ask so I didn't have to bring it up myself but apparently you're too thick to figure it out yourselves."

"Hey, watch your tongue or I'll raise a mutiny against you within your team." I playfully warned.

"You watch _your_ tongue or you may not have a team to be in." He shot back with a triumphant grin.

"Fine you won," I said with a mock-pout.

James and I were quickly diving into one of our endless Quidditch-conversations, about the new tactics we could use and the new keeper we would need. Sirius was just dully staring out of the window. For a guy with so much testosterone running in his veins or wherever, he really disliked the sport. He'd always say that he found it just a bunch of people meaninglessly flying around making themselves crazy for no real reason.

James and I didn't even notice the compartment door fly open before we heard a too familiar sneer from the doorway.

"Well, it's nice to hear that you can still get excited when you have no hope in hell to win the cup this year." Owen Zabini stated.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean? You think you're actually gonna beat me Zabini?" James spat.

Owen Zabini was a seventh year Slytherin, one of our sworn enemies. He was the Slytherin Quidditch captain and therefore always fighting with James. Zabini was a seventh year, quite popular amongst the females, and had lots of admirers always circulating him. Like right now; a slutty little blonde was snickering under his arm and a snobby guy leaning towards the wall, clearly there just to add character. I was surprised to realize that the girl was from Gryffindor. What a shame for our house.

"Are you kidding me, Potter?" Zabini smirked, "With you being the captain and that little rat over there still in team," he pointed at me, "they could practically just give us the cup right away."

I stood up. So did Sirius, either to attack Zabini or stopping me from doing so, I'm not sure.

"Nat, sit down," James said so only I could hear while Sirius glared at Zabini.

"You might wanna watch that mouth of yours, Zabini," he spat, "It might just cause you a lot of trouble."

"Are you threatening me Black?" Zabini scowled.

"I don't think he even has to," I said, finally managing to get calm enough to speak. "With that skank of yours you don't need us to make you look ridiculous."

"What did you just call me, Zozaya?" The blonde said, glaring at me.

"What, are you saying it came as a surprise for you?" I said lifting my eyebrows.

"Well, for you even that would be a compliment," She sneered, "I can't see why Black and Potter here wanna hang out with you. I guess they just don't dare to tell you that nobody really likes that kind of..."

SMACK.

Her rattling was cut of when my fist met her nose. I was now breathing heavily, preparing to hit again if needed. The blonde was whimpering and holding her nose, while Zabini was shooting flames at me with his eyes.

"How dare you?" He spat out, taking a step towards me.

I lifted my hand to hit him, but felt someone grab it before I could do anything. Sirius grabbed Zabini by his shirt and led him out of the compartment while James held me to stay still.

"You're not gonna lay your finger on her, you know," Sirius said, "Now take your little party out of here we've seen enough."

He closed the door. James let go of my hand and I sunk back to my seat, laying my head to my hands. Well, not that I didn't see this coming. But still, I could've tried to hold for a little longer than just the first few hours.

"You okay Nat?" Sirius asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah," I sighed, "Sorry about that, guys, I just…"

"Lost it." James finished my sentence.

"Yeah," I grinned sadly. "Not the first time, I know."

"Look I know you don't do it intentionally," Sirius said looking at me "Just try to hold back a little. I wouldn't like to see you get your ass kicked too badly."

I smiled at him, putting my hand on his knee.

"I know you wouldn't. And I promise, I'm gonna try to contain myself next time some skank tries to insult me."

James reached out to give me a short hug.

"Our little enfant terrible," He joked. I hit him in the forehead. Only playfully this time.

So, that's how my sixth year at Hogwarts begun. Even with the more or less constant fighting, I was more than happy to be here again. I was with my friends, where I belonged. Only in here I felt like I was who I really am: Natalie Zozaya, the girl-marauder, the tomboy, the oddball, the fury, the troublemaker, and, of course, the squirrel.

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**Tell me if you wanna keep reading. **


	2. Chapter 2

**What do you know, an update! I hope there are still some of you interested in this whole thing; I know, I'm a horrible updater, I just rather take time with 'em than post uninspired chapters. And I'm lazy. Anyway, I was positively surprised to see some people liking this story! So I guess I'll start working on this one too. Thanks to the reviewers!**

**Dark-Compassion: Thanks a lot!**

**xXNightmareGoddessXx: Heha, thanks, squirrels are really cool, no doubt. You can decide yourself, have him gotten ran over by a hippopotamus if it makes you satisfied;D**

**Sunni-Bunni: Thanks:)**

**Camelia Sinesis: Yeah, I do realize it too. The thing is just that I wanted to do a lady marauder fic and I absolytely didn't want her to be one of those absolutely gorgeous girls you see in these ff's so a tomboy just made sense. And of course she had to be an animagus if she were a marauder. The temper and the beater just were things I wanted to put in for personal reasons, and the family thing, I needed her to have something to connect her with Sirius before Hogwarts, I took the easy way. But yeah, I am sorry for the obvious cliches, I hope they don't bother too much, thanks a lot for your review!!**

**BlackSnowPetals: Thanks! I was too tired for those lady marauders having too strong animagus form so I decided to go with a pathetic squirrel. lol.**

**CluelessWanderer: Thanks, I'll try!**

**LadyMarauderette: Thanks! Yeah that was the main reason for writing this; those drop-dead-gorgeus marauders just don't make sense!**

**Wishfuldreams11: Thanks!**

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When the train ride was finally over, I realized that I still hadn't seen Remus anywhere. We were currently walking towards the carriages and I was already beginning to get worried (that's me, I have no sense of self-protection whatsoever, but when one of my friends doesn't report their existence for half an hour I begin to think they're dead) and was about to voice my worry to James and Sirius, when I heard a familiar shout of "Oi, Padfoot!".

"Moony!" Sirius shouted and rushed over to greet our friend, James and I close behind.

"Took you long enough to find us," James stated after clapping hands with Remus.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that, got a little hung up on the whole prefect thing." He replied.

"You call that an excuse?" I asked. He didn't seem to have noticed me until now since his eyebrows shot up when he looked down at me.

"Awe, you were worried weren't you?" Remus teased when he pulled me into a hug.

"Shut up," I replied. Then I looked at him and added, "Whoa, you've grown up during the summer."

It was true; Remus, who'd always been quite a bit shorter than James or Sirius, was now almost equally as tall. Which made me look pathetically short.

"Thanks," he grinned. "You haven't."

We started making out way through the crowd to find a carriage to ourselves. It took us a while to find an empty one, but finally we managed to beat a group of second years into one. I watched out of the window just in time to see that some third year Ravenclaw was about to enter the coach too with a friend of his.

"No, no, no, no, this is full, sorry my friends you gotta find another one." I said, waggling my finger at them. The boys looked at me in a weird way but apparently decided to let it go and find an empty one. My friends laughed at this.

"And people dare to think we're arrogant," James stated.

"Nah, they didn't seem to mind. Besides, we've gotta plan the annual Start of the Year -prank." I explained.

"Oh yeah, that's right!" Sirius exclaimed, daring to look like he'd almost forgotten about it. "We've gotta make it a big one, the kind that everyone will remember even in their sixties!"

"Well I kinda have a feeling that they're not gonna forget easily the last one either," Remus chuckled at the thought.

Last year we'd persuaded the house-elves to let us enchant the food to jump on people's faces every time they poked it without a reason. It was actually rather disgusting but on the same time really amusing. And what was even greater was that the all four of us had managed to survive without detention from it.

"All the more reason to make this one even better," Sirius shrugged.

"Any ideas?" I asked looking at each guy.

"We could try to target it on the teachers this time. Just for a change, you know." James suggested.

"I'm always on board with that." Sirius laughed. Remus and I nodded too.

"Wouldn't it be great if we could do it in the feast already?" I said. "So that it would really be a Start of the Year."

"The Hat!" Sirius exclaimed. "We've _gotta_ do something to the Hat!"

"But how's that targeting at the teachers?" Remus thought.

"We could persuade it to rise into a mutiny against Dumbledore," I suggested.

"You sure are mutinous these days," James pointed out and I grinned at him.

"Okay, so, how does a hat rise into a mutiny?" Remus asked.

* * *

"So, you, Moony, will persuade or charm or whatever it takes to make the Hat confident its number one priority is to make the firsties believe this is some kind of a nutty-house, while Sirius, Nattie and I'll take care of McGonagall." James recapped.

"Right," Sirius confirmed, wearing that same mischievous smirk he always did when he got into some serious pranking action. Remus nodded too.

The four of us were hiding behind the doors that led to the room where McGonagall was introducing the Hat to the first-years and would soon be leading them into the great hall. We had managed to sneak out of the crowd and the hall, and were now about to put our plan, though no that carefully built this time, into action.

"We'll meet you in here before the sorting begins." James said to Remus. "Come on, Nattie." He added to me, while Sirius took his spot, smirking good luck to us.

"Stop calling me Nattie," I hissed and waved to the other two. James smirked, most probably making a mental note to use that more.

"Ready for our performance?" He asked, grinning widely.

"Like a boy scout." I replied. Years and years of pranks and jokes have taught all of us to be quite actors. At first it had felt stupid and unnerving, but now it was more like a routine. This time, our plan was to do whatever it took to get McGonagall and the first-year's attention away from the Hat, so that Remus could snitch it for a minute. After a while of wondering we had decided the best way would be the clichéd serious-physical-injury-bit. Which is why Sirius was waiting behind the corner and James now lifted me onto his arms and stormed into the room in panic.

"Professor! Professor!" The sudden sound made all the heads in the room turn around.

"Professor McGonagall, thank Merlin you're here!" James went on while I laid limp on his arms both my mouth and my eyes half open.

"Potter! What is this, can't you see I'm currently being occupied?" McGonagall addressed James. "Dear Merlin, what is wrong with Miss Zozaya?" She asked, apparently noticing me only now.

"I don't know professor; I think somebody may have stunned her or something. I only saw a flash of light and then she fell." James trailed on. I had to admire him for keeping a straight face. I personally was constantly on the verge of bursting out laughing.

"Stunned? You mean there's somebody attacking students?" McGonagall seemed like she was trying to decide whether to yell at us for playing with her or go alarm everybody to search the castle.

"I'm not sure but I think you should take a look at the spot," James suggested, starting to lead her out of the room.

"Yes, of course," McGonagall nodded, still a bit confused.

When we were in the hallway again, the first-years following the occurrence intently, Sirius stepped in sight behind the armour nearby.

"Oh shit, is she alright?" He asked, pointing at me.

"Mr. Black? What is this?" McGonagall was trying to build up the whole picture. "Do you know what happened?"

"Yes, I was trying to stun a pixie I saw running towards the great hall but I missed it. I didn't notice I hit her instead." Sirius explained to McGonagall.

"Well, congratulations, you did. You stunned your friend!" James accused him.

"I didn't mean to!" Sirius yelled back. "Do you think I did it intentionally?"

"Quiet, both of you!" McGonagall shouted, putting down a well-planned fight. "Now that we've secured that there are no intruders in the castle, I would very much like to get back to these first years so that the feast may start some day!"

"But what about Natalie?" Sirius asked before she had time to leave.

"She should be alright once she wakes up." The professor said turning to leave before any of us could stop her again.

Once she was out of sight, the doors closed again, James let me down and the three of us collapsed against the wall in a silent laughter.

"You guys are bloody brilliant!" I managed to say through the bursts. James and Sirius clapped their hands together, trying to sober up.

"Thank Merlin she left, I would've crashed any moment." Sirius shook his head.

"Tell me about it," James said and turned to me. "You've gained some holiday extra during the summer, have you? I was almost about to drop you half way through."

"Hey, you can't tell a girl she's gained weight!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah I know. But you're not a girl you're Natalie." James joked. I hit him in the head. "Ouch, second time today!"

"Maybe you oughta start teasing her less," Sirius suggested wryly.

"Yeah!" I chorused, stepping beside Sirius.

"Oh, like he's got any room to talk!" James defended himself.

"Darn, you've got at point," I admitted, settling to the fact that I have no friends.

"Guys!" We looked around the corner to see Remus running towards us.

"You succeeded?" I asked him.

"Yeap," he grinned. "I did have to use some temporary memory charms to make the Hat cooperate, though."

"Shall we head to the hall then?" I asked, and the four of us started walking towards the big wooden doors.

And we got there just in time. No more than a few seconds had passed from when we sat down on the benches, when McGonagall placed the hat in the stool for everyone to see it. It opened its mouth, like it did every year to sing the school song. Only now it did not sing, but talked.

"Hello boys and girls!" It exclaimed cheerily. "I've decided to not to sing today, for I failed to come up with any good songs during the summer. I'm sure you're all disappointed, but if _you_ spent your whole bloody year in that dusty old office you might find yourself feeling a bit un-inspirational too."

The whole school stared at the Hat, trying to decide whether or not to laugh.

"But I can still tell our dear first-years –who look a lot smaller nowadays than they used to– a bit about our school, since that's the ah-so-important mission that big-nosed hubby over there has given to me."

I looked at Dumbledore to see him smiling into his fingers.

"Well, Hogwarts is, as you obviously know, a school to learn magic. You all must be very excited to be here, right? To learn all those great spells and potions you've heard about your older siblings, it's gotta be awesome! Well, I hate to be the one to break it down to you, but it's not what you think it is."

The Hat received various stares from all around the hall but it just went on.

"The lessons are unbelievably boring, and on maybe a quarter of them you actually get to do some magic. And you better know how to do it by those lessons or you're gonna end up blowing up your friends! The other lessons are just theory. Boring, eh? And don't even get me started on the homework. You're gonna be buried under it in a week, I assure you. And it's not like the teachers are gonna cut you any slack. They don't care, it's not them who're forced to do it; they just have to sit behind their desks and look wise. And, I'm telling you, most of them don't succeed even in that."

At this point there was already some laughter aroused amongst the older students. Some of the teachers looked quite mad; actually all of them save Dumbledore who just kept smiling.

"And the best part is," the Hat said getting excited. "The detentions. You break one single rule, say forget to address a teacher as a professor, you'll be forced to for example clean all the toilets, without magic, or other kinds of tasks in which lots of students have lost valuable limbs. And of course you'll end up losing dozens of points from your house, making you lose the house cup. And I'm telling you, older students don't like that."

I scanned through the rows of the first years to find faces varying from horrified to suspicious and amused.

"Yeah, the houses. We've got three of them in here. You better hope you get into a same house with your siblings and friends because inter-house friendships simply don't exist here. It's a lot like war actually."

I looked at the teachers' table just in time to see McGonagall get up, apparently finally deciding to do something. Before she opened her mouth, though, Dumbledore spoke.

"We thank you for this informative –and only slightly misleading– little speech." He said addressing to the hat. "All though I do have a feeling that there are others to thank for this as well."

James, Sirius. Remus and I looked at each other and smirked.

"However, I do have to make slight corrections, just to keep our first years here for at least a week." He said, smiling to the firsties. "I can assure you that you have nothing to fear here. The detentions may be disliked amongst most of the students, but they surely aren't dangerous. The houses get along great, and as for the lessons being boring, well, you can decide for yourselves in a couple of days."

"What if I don't remember to call them professor," one high-pitched voice asked his friend.

"You can address me as "the big-nosed hubby" as the Hat it put, if you wish." Dumbledore smiled at him.

The firsties still looked a bit suspicious some of them. They weren't that horrified anymore, though, and it seemed that was enough for Dumbledore by now. He then turned to the Hat.

"And you, do you think you've sobered enough to perform the sorting?"

The Hat just lay there dully. You could almost see it shrug.

"Would James Potter, Natalie Zozaya, Sirius Black or Remus Lupin please tell me a counter curse for this sudden amnesia so that we can go on with the feast?" Dumbledore said looking at us. He still didn't look even slightly angry.

"Now that's not fair!" Sirius exclaimed. "It is extremely prejudiced of you, sir, to automatically assume we are responsible for this!"

"Yeah!" James chorused.

"Are you saying it wasn't you?" Dumbledore politely asked.

"Well, no…" James started.

"Hey guys I'm getting kinda hungry and it looks like were quite busted anyway so let's just tell him, shan't we?" I suggested.

"It's only a memory charm," Remus said to Dumbledore.

"Thank you Remus." The headmaster nodded and turned to the Hat. He reversed the charm and the sorting finally begun and was, _finally_, followed with the food. Laughter could still be heard from all around the hall. This of course made us pretty satisfied. Mission completed.

* * *


End file.
